


Iris

by TheAnimangaGirl



Series: The Amell Chronicles [21]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Iris - Freeform, Song Lyrics, Song fic, angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-28
Updated: 2017-02-28
Packaged: 2018-09-27 10:27:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10010615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAnimangaGirl/pseuds/TheAnimangaGirl
Summary: King Alistiair misses the love of his life, while he sits alone on the throne of Ferelden. How long can a heart endure?Inspired by Iris form the Goo Goo Dolls





	

_And I'd give up forever to touch you_

The crown was never heavier than the day she left. It was as if she had taken a piece of his soul in her saddle. But he had to put a strong facade, people couldn’t see the king breaking down like a boy. Many confused his vacant sight as strength , not knowing that the most valuable person of his life was leaving, perhaps forever.

_'Cause I know that you feel me somehow_

He traced the familiar path of the embroidery of the favor she had given him.  Thinking that maybe just maybe she was doing the same to the ring he gave her. She was alive out there somewhere fighting, Maker knew what, so they could be together for a long time.

_You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be_

When he was young he had always believed he wasn’t born to know happiness, his whole existence had been a heartbreak, after another. Then he met her, the proud and awkward mage recruit, the Hero of Ferelden, the love of his life. It was then when he realized all the pain in his life was worth it, because it had guided him to her.

_And I don’t wanna go home right now_

Going back to his room was torture, he always half expected to see her there waiting for him, with open arms and those toothy smiles she reserved for him. He felt so lost without her.

_And all I can taste is this moment_

Their first time was an awkward mess, neither of them knew what they were doing, she could claim otherwise, but he, and only he knew the truth. Their second and third weren’t as memorable either, but the one before the battle of Denermin had been spectacular, both needing to ensure the other was alright, to wipe the slate after the dark ritual, to reassure the other was alive and well. It wasn’t just about sex, it was about love, the complete and absolute devotion they had for one another.

_And all I can breathe is your life_

She always carried this smell of lemon and lyrium, it had its own personality, he could smell it on his clothes, on her side of the bed, in her hands and in her hair. The smell was her, and he had  never encountered by a more delicious and exquisite sent.

_When sooner or later it's over_

He thanked the Maker every day for the six years of absolute bliss he had gave them. Not even assassination attempts or the fact that she was constantly in Amaranthine could dampen the happiness they cultivated for six years. He could have sworn not even the Golden City would be as absolute perfect than when she was with him. That’s why it hurt like an open wound now, he had felt perfection and he had lost it.

_I just don’t wanna miss you tonight_

Every night was dreadful, he worried. Was she warm? Was he safe? He knew why she was out there, but a stubborn part of him wanted, no, **needed** her right beside him as she was supposed to be. Haven’t they promised that?

_And I don't want the world to see me_

He had become a sort of hermit inside his castle, well, as much as a king could be a hermit. He was no longer the young man who sneaked out of the palace with his lover to see ridiculous street plays and eat fried street food.

_'Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

Teagan didn’t understand, he tried but he couldn’t. He had a wife and a surrogate son in the form of his wife’s brother, he was happy. He was glad for his uncle, but a pang of jealousy always stoked him when he talked about Kaitlyn and Bevin

_When everything's made to be broken_

If he could get rid of the crown he could go after her, he just needed to find King Maric, if he was alive he would bear the crown as he was supposed to, then he could join her. To be together, that’s why he risked Crows, Qunari and Tevinter madmen. He will never admit that he always knew he was in a dream, simply because _she_ wasn’t there. A perfect world without her was no more than a poor imitation of perfection.

_I just want you to know who I am_

I am the King and Shield of Ferelden, a hero of the Fifth Blight, a Grey Warden. Just like she wanted...no that would give her too little credit, like she _knew_ I what I could become, because her faith in me never faltered, not even on my darkest times.

_And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming_

Going to the gardens was almost unbearable, they were hers, the roses had been her project, the statue had been her idea, but he couldn’t read her letters anywhere else, in the alcove surrounded by roses, he could cry in peace.

_Or the moment of truth in your lies_

She had said that he would not miss her, that would not even notice she was gone. One of the many lies she had told. He didn’t held it against her, had she said the truth he would have never agreed on let her past the gate.

_When everything feels like the movies_

How many books had they read together about knights doing impossible quests? For how many hours had she cried on his shoulder after a sad ending? How many tears had he dried with promises of forever and always?

_Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive_

If his trainers hadn’t noticed, perhaps he could never had. Wherever he was practicing with the guards he always moved the shield more to the left than you should in simple combat. It wouldn’t make sense...unless you were counting on a second person to cover you with their own shield, or a defensive spell. It took him months of practice to stop hurting himself with his opponent’s sword, because he always left the space open for her to cover him.

_And I don't want the world to see me_

He was glad all of his friends and companions were busy, Zevran killing the crows from within, Leliana working for the Divine, and Sten being the Arishock. They would not recognize the stern King that now sat on Ferelden’s throne. The king whose heart was away.

_'Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

He was to be firm, he had to how strength, he needed to show that he will put his nation's safety even above the Mages who had asked for refugee. Couldn’t they understand? He needed to keep _her_ legacy safe, even if that meant giving the mages up to the woman with a bright hand and eyes that remind him  painfully to what he had lost.

_When everything's made to be broken_

The Calling was ratting in his head, he was becoming mad, he became harsher in his judgements, pain clouded even his innermost thoughts. Did she ever intended to came back? Did she ran from him? Was he not good enough?

_I just want you to know who I am_

I am King Alistiar Theirin and I must remain strong

 

_And I don't want the world to see me_

Not even Anora can recognize him, sitting sternly over the Landsmeet. Was she afraid? He couldn't tell, something seems wrong in the way the Terryna looks at him. It’s almost sad, but she hides it well.

_'Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

‘Neither Cailan or Maric ever looked like this’ she says after everyone was gone. He resist the urge to banish her, what does she knew, what does she knew about pain? About a silence that had gone for a full year?

_When everything's made to be broken_

He trashes his room that day. Why was he waiting for her? After all this time of nothingness he should know that she was dead and rotting somewhere, their dreams and hopes dead as a the mage who had his heart. The servants do not question, for he is the King and his word is law.

_I just want you to know who I am_

I am the bastard King of Ferelden, the bastard without a heart.

 

_And I don't want the world to see me_

The song is getting worse, following him even when asleep. Was it like this for Duncan, knowing that not even your dreams can give you relief? He tries not to think of her, for surely she is dead and had forgotten him, and to say that to himself is almost too painful  to breath.

_'Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

Anora’s visit to court become more frequent, he knows she is observing him, like a Mabari looking at a prey. She says nothing, only observes, he can almost hear her disapproval every time he hands a harsh trial. He hasn’t abused power, but his rule is hardened him more than his sister ever could.

_When everything's made to be broken_

Anora confronts him again. Tells him how she swore to her to keep him sane. Hehas a moment of weakness and  breaks down, explaining to the crownless queen about her silence, about her forgotten promises. She murmurs herself the word ‘impossible’ and he says nothing. She bows to find an answer and you accept it just to make the blonde to go away. He need to think, what use Ferelden has for a heartless king?

_I just want you to know who I am_

I am the King of Ferelden and I was ready to walk to the Deep Roads, surely the bastard King could only be useful for that. Then I receive your letters, held by a fiend that thought it was best for me. The words pour from letter after letter, dated weekly, each of them more urgent than the previous, reassuring me and soothing me like if I could hear your voice again, declaring your love and asking about mine, asking me if I hadn’t forgotten you. Shame fills me , but so does relief.  Knowing that you hadn’t forgotten me, that you are out there fighting for us both, softens my heart and my judgement.

 

_I just want you to know who I am_

I am the lonely King Alistair Theirin of Ferelden, and I miss her.

_I just want you to know who I am_

I am a lover whose heart is gone...

_I just want you to know who I am_

I am just Alistair and without you my life is incomplete, please my dear, come back to me I’ll wait for you…


End file.
